To be honest I think we all need a lesson in what genuine waiting looks like. There are seasons where we simply stand and look for Jesus to act on our behalf. We tarry with expectation, pause in prayer and actively engage in looking to Him. Those are genuine and much needed seasons. But beware. Fear masquerades as patience.
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The problem with feeling lost is fearing that I’ll never be found. I fear that I’ll be disoriented and unsettled forever. After all, none of us mind being lost for a moment, but as times passes and you realize you really have no sense of which way to turn, well that’s when the real fear begins to grip you. That’s me right now. Did I take a wrong turn? Have I missed God? Why am I feeling directionless in certain areas? There’s a sense that somehow I may be the one to blame and that my own choices have sent me on rabbit trail that I may never recover from. Hopelessness is nipping at my heels. But just then, as I sat on the beach surrounded by ashen clouds, the sun broke through in the most forceful fashion. It felt as if the entire stream of daylight was directed only at me, illuminating every speck of sand and curl of each wave. I tore off my coat and scarf and basked in this unforeseen shift.
By definition faith is grandiose. Always bigger than ourselves. Always believing in the impossible, unrealistic and naturally unattainable. When spoken out loud it sounds ridiculous, at worst the narrative of the stupid and irrational, and at best the fantasy of the overly hyped and spiritually unhinged. It never feels 100% certain or something I can tangibly grasp in all it’s fullness. Every day I fight to even touch it. But friends, this is the truth – faith is more real than you and me.